In her post, which received more than 10,000 interactions, u/Legal_Pay_9408 wrote that she has a complicated relationship with her husband’s family.
“MIL claims she likes me but I don’t think she does,” the Redditor wrote. “She also claims she loves and adores her grandchildren, but will do pretty much anything to avoid spending time with them.”
The families rarely see one another, with the exception of holidays and family dinners. However, u/Legal_Pay_9408 wrote she doesn’t enjoy spending holidays at her mother-in-law’s house because of the formal dress code.
“Everyone dresses super nice, hair and makeup is perfect,” she said. “MIL pretty much lives for this stuff. Despite the annoying dress code my husband gets to see his siblings, my kids get to see their cousins, and MIL mostly ignores us anyway.”
As she anticipated the family Christmas get-together, u/Legal_Pay_9408 became more and more frustrated about the dress code, calling it “silly” and writing that it seems like a “weird competition” between the women in the family.
When she spoke with her mother-in-law about it, she claimed that she was told holidays are meant to be special and that her generation is “lazy.”
“That annoyed me, so I talked to some of the younger women who also have small kids,” u/Legal_Pay_9408 wrote. “One [sister-in-law] said I was ruining Christmas. One kind of agreed but said it wasn’t worth the fight with her mom.”
The Redditor’s mother-in-law caught wind of the conversation u/Legal_Pay_9408 had with the other women and asked why she was talking about her to the other guests. After explaining she wanted to hear from other people what they felt about the dress code and that she found it stressful, her mother-in-law said it was “tacky” for her to ask around about the dress code.
She continued and said that she was called “rude” and “entitled” for thinking she can make changes to family traditions.
“This pissed me off and I said she can wear whatever, but I will be coming in sweats and my kids will be in play clothes,” u/Legal_Pay_9408 wrote. “MIL actually laughed and said that would be my problem, not hers.”
She concluded her post by recognizing that her husband told her it would embarrass him if she wore sweats to the gathering, but she is seriously considering wearing them.
Family gatherings may be difficult for those who do not get along with their relatives, but Scripps outlined a few ways for the day to go smoothly.
Going into the event with the mindset of it being stressful can make an individual feel more anxious. Instead, an individual may choose to think about some of the more positive traits their family members have.
People should also have realistic expectations of what to expect at a gathering.
“Don’t expect people to change when they have behaved in the same way for years,” the piece states.
Though u/Legal_Pay_9408 expressed her concerns, few commenters had sympathy for the Redditor.
“YTA kinda,” the top comment with more than 25,000 votes read. “It’s her house, her family’s tradition, and you should respect it. Especially when it’s just a dress code and not something going deeply against your religion and core values.”
Many agreed with the commenter, and one said she was taking her frustration with the dress code too far.
“There’s a difference between formal, nicely dressed casual and then your childish threat of sweatpants,” the commenter wrote. “You would be embarrassing your husband and kids by making something so petty your famous last stand.”
Another claimed it was “out of line” u/Legal_Pay_9408 to call family members to change the dress code. They wrote that if she wanted to wear a specific type of clothing, she should host a party for the family with that dress code.
A commenter shared that, as a child, they dressed up for holiday dinner as a sign of appreciation for their mother who worked hard on the meal.
“This is my thinking too…the MIL is probably working her butt off hosting this event, and if she wants people to demonstrate a certain level of appreciation by not dressing like slobs, so be it,” another commenter wrote.
