S.H.: You became engaged shortly before deploying to Iraq. How did the deployment influence your decision?

Jim: It definitely pushed up the time frame. I had purchased the ring, but was waiting for the right time to give it to her. When I heard that we were getting deployed, it seemed like the right time.

S.H.: In the days leading up to your deployment, what types of conversations were you having about your relationship?

Jim: I recall not really wanting to talk about it. I was willing to go, but didn’t want to deal with the goodbyes. So, I pretty much pretended like it was known to be an absolute certainty that everything would be alright. She would say something to me, and I would brush it off with a simple “everything will be fine.”

S.H.: How did being in a relationship back home influence your morale during the deployment?

Jim: It was nice to know that someone was home waiting for me, so in that regard it helped my morale. Erica was always good about sending letters and packages–let me know that she cared. On the other hand, it was also hard sometimes. I wanted to focus solely on the job at hand, but would worry about her, and what was going on in her life. She had a lot going on at the time. She was finishing college, her mother was sick, and there was other family drama at home.

S.H.: Did you worry about her being home alone?

Jim: Not really, but I left her my K-Bar [large Marine Corps knife].

S.H.: What were the phone calls home to her like?

Jim: She was always very excited to hear from me. So, they were good in that respect–they made me feel loved. I remember that the first call that we had somehow ended up discussing family drama. It left a sour taste in my mouth, and I told her that I didn’t want to discuss these matters until I came home. We didn’t talk about that stuff in any other conversation. Other than that our conversations were normal. We discussed what was going on in each other’s lives. They were like conversations that any other long distance couple would have had.

S.H.: What were things like between the two of you when you returned home?

Jim: I recall dreading the return home. I wanted to be home, but I didn’t want to deal with the transition from Iraq to home–I wanted to magically wake up back in my old life. The actual day that we got back was hard. The whole family was there, and everyone wanted to spend time with me–it was a little overwhelming.

Erica and I went away for a week, just to relax and hang out. We had a pretty good time, and after that week things felt more normal.

Things weren’t completely normal though. I recall getting extremely mad over little things. I actually got really mad at Erica on our trip when she accidentally dropped a chair down the stairs. I was yelling at her. Looking back, I feel bad about that.

I also recall wanting to yell at an old woman. We were at a diner, and apparently, at this diner you form a gaggle–sort of wannabe line–instead of giving the hostess your name. So, Erica and I waded through the gaggle and gave the hostess our name and the number of people in our party. As we were being seated, this old woman comes out from the gaggle and rudely says: “there’s a line you know.” I didn’t do anything–I just walked to my seat, but this little incident made me extremely angry.

I don’t think that I have ever been that angry in my entire life. It physically hurt, and I thought that if I could just hurt that woman, I would feel better. Erica knew me pretty well, and she could see in my face that I was angry. She could still see it later that afternoon. The point is that I had a much shorter fuse, that she knew it, and that this put a strain on the relationship.

It was tough, but we got through it.