Is Fighting In The Early Stages Of A Relationship Bad Normal Vs. Red Flag Issues

Alternatively, if you or your partner is insulting or mistreating the other, or you’re fighting over big issues like infidelity or lying, that might be a red flag.

If you have your first fight earlier than 3 months in, that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Just make sure that you’re both listening to each other, empathizing with the other’s perspective, and finding solutions.

If these flaws aren’t dealbreakers for you, then try to look past them and remember the good in your partner. Remind yourself that you have flaws, too, and accept them for who they are. Perhaps these flaws are dealbreakers (lack of commitment or lying are pretty big ones). In that case, voice your concerns respectfully and see if their behavior changes. You could say, “I completely understand that you’re friends with your ex, but I’d appreciate if you were honest with me about when you see each other. "

Be open and honest about your boundaries and needs in your relationship, even if you’ve only been dating a few months. The early stages of the relationship are a great opportunity to establish what does and doesn’t work for you. You might say, “I can be a little sensitive sometimes. It’s important to me that if we ever have a disagreement, we don’t raise our voices or yell at each other. " Going too long without speaking up might actually harm your relationship more than a fight, as it could lead to resentment and misunderstandings.

You might realize that you have a hard time listening to your partner when you’re upset with them, for example. Instead of beating yourself up about this, try to see it as an opportunity to grow and work on listening to your partner going forward. You might consider talking to your partner about your fight after things have cooled off. You could say something like, “I feel like things got a little heated and I’m sorry about that. Next time we disagree, I’ll try my best to stay calm. "

“I was a little sad that you didn’t invite me along to see that movie with you, but I understand that you needed some alone time. " “I get that it hurt when I didn’t respond to your text. That would hurt my feelings, too. "

“I think I understand. You wish I would make more of an effort to plan dates for us. " “I get it. You’re frustrated that I spend so much time on my phone. "

“I know you’re frustrated that I haven’t been making enough time for you. What could I do that would make you feel better?” “I’m a little confused and I want to understand. Could you let me know what I said that offended you?”

“I want to work through this with you, but I think I need some time to decompress and calm down. " “I’m having trouble articulating how I feel right now. I need a few minutes to think about this before we keep talking. "

Maybe your partner likes texting all day, but you don’t like spending time on your phone. You might agree to check in with each other over text 1-2 times a day as a compromise. Perhaps you’re frustrated that you always end up paying the bill when you go out. Agree to split the check or take turns paying going forward.

“I’m so sorry I forgot to pick you up from work. I was so distracted today, but that’s no excuse. I’ll make sure I follow through next time. "

If you’d like to forgive your partner, but are having trouble doing that, try to see the issue from their perspective or remind yourself of a time that you messed up. That might make forgiveness a little easier. You may decide that you can’t forgive your partner for what they did. In that case, it might be time to walk away from the relationship. This might be painful, but remember that there are other people out there who will treat you the way you want to be treated.

Perhaps one of you wants to be in a monogamous relationship, while the other doesn’t want anything exclusive. Fighting about this might mean that you’re not looking for the same thing. It’s also possible that the two of you can work out your differences through empathy and compromise. Just make sure that you’re not ignoring your values or needs in order to stay in the relationship.

Perhaps your partner wants to have kids, but you don’t think you want to start a family. Maybe you eventually want to move to a new city, but your partner wants to stay where you are.

Whether you decide to forgive your partner is entirely up to you. Some couples are able to work through infidelity and become stronger than before. If you do decide to forgive your partner and it happens again, it might be time to walk away.

Insulting you and making you feel like you can’t do anything right Extreme jealousy or attempting to isolate you from your friends and family Lying, manipulation, and gaslighting Pressuring you to have sex or do things that you don’t want to do Physically threatening or hurting you in any way