You might tell them after 4 months, since you’ll know your partner really well by then. You don’t need to tell your parents if you’re afraid of their reaction. Always put your safety first.
For example, you might not feel comfortable telling your parents you’re LGBTQ+ if you know they’re homophobic. It’s okay to take your time and come out when you feel safe. Similarly, you might hold off on telling them if they’ve threatened to withdraw financial support or have threatened to send you to live with relatives.
Let’s say your parents don’t want you to date. Are your friends dating? If so, it might be okay for you to try dating, too.
Spend more time with your partner if this is the case. Focus on your relationship so they know they’re important to you. In the meantime, talk to your parents about why you disagree with their prejudiced beliefs. Start the conversation by saying, “What are you afraid will happen if I date someone outside our religion?” or “Why do you think skin color matters?”
This where that 4-month rule can come in handy. After 4 months of dating, you might go ahead and introduce your partner to your parents.
They call you names or criticize you. They try to keep you away from your friends or family. They check your phone or monitor your social media. They threaten you, make you feel guilty, or pressure you to do things. They harm you in any way.
“I really care about you, and I’m so proud to be your partner. However, I haven’t come out to my parents yet because I’m worried they’ll be angry. Can we please pretend to be friends in front of them?” “You’re amazing and I’m definitely falling for you. I know you’re upset that I haven’t introduced you to my parents yet. In the past, they’ve put a lot of pressure on my relationships, so I want to wait until we have a strong foundation. ” “I feel terrible about having to keep our relationship a secret. I like you so much, and I don’t want to lose you. To me, it doesn’t matter that we have a different religion, but I know my parents are going to be upset. I just need some time to figure out how to tell them. ”
In some cases, the benefits of lying may still outweigh the costs, but be honest with yourself about these consequences.
If you do tell a friend, ask them to cover for you when you’re with your partner. For instance, you might say you’re at their house instead of out with your partner.
For example, let’s say you usually tell your parents where you’re going and who you’re going to be hanging out with. Don’t be vague when you go to hang out with your partner because they’ll be suspicious. Instead, you might say, “I’m meeting a classmate at the pizzeria,” or “I’ll be at the park with friends. " Similarly, don’t shield your phone when your parents walk by because they’ll know right away that something is up.
For example, you might tell them about a new project you’re working on. You could also tell them about a movie you watched or a book you read.
Talk to your partner about what’s okay to post on social media. Ask them to hold off on posting photos and statuses about you until you’re ready.
If you’re a teenager, you might say, “I know you don’t want me to date until I’m 16. Why is this rule important to you?” If your parents want you to break-up with someone you’re dating, you might say, “I know you don’t like Alex. Why are you so against this relationship?” If your parents are interfering in your dating life, you could say, “What are you afraid will happen if I choose someone on my own?”
