Be open-minded about his divorce. If he seems like a great match, give him a chance.
He’s previously returned to his partner after a separation. He blames his partner to justify dating you. He can’t decide if he wants to be with you. He talks about missing his old life with his partner.
Everyone reacts to divorce differently. Some guys may swear off marriage at first, while others actively seek a new long-term relationship.
He prioritizes everything else in his life over you. He often cancels plans with you at the last minute. He refuses to meet your friends and family. He won’t introduce you to his friends or family.
You may feel let down that your guy planned a whole life with someone else. However, those dreams are in the past. If you fall for each other, the life he plans with you will be the one he wants.
If his marriage was super short, this might not be applicable.
Talk to him about why his marriage ended. You could ask, “What do you think led to your divorce?” or “What caused you and your ex to drift apart?” This will give you some idea about what he might want to do differently in the future.
He may not have to pay alimony if it’s not required where he lives.
Let him know that you’re there for him when he’s ready. Say things like, “I’m here for you when you’re ready to talk,” or “I can understand why you don’t want to talk about that. If you change your mind, I’m always happy to listen. ”
For example, he may be unavailable during the times he has his children, such as every other weekend. Similarly, he may need to cancel plans with you if something comes up with his children. Over time, this may change. If you get married, your relationship may become the priority because it’s the foundation for your new blended family.
“I’m hoping to find someone to settle down with and start a family. I know you’ve been married before. Is that something you want again in the future?” “I know you’ve recently been divorced. That must have been so hard. I wanted to check-in with you to make sure things aren’t moving too fast between us. Are you looking for something casual, or are you open to getting serious down the line?”
You might say, “I know it’s been hard to be away from your kids. How are you handling things?” or “I know you were with Alex for 8 years. Do you want to talk about what happened?” If he’s been divorced for a really long time, you might not need to do this. Chances are, he’ll be more open about his feelings if a lot of time has passed.
For example, you might schedule a date night once a week during the first couple months of your relationship. Between dates, stay in communication by texting.
Chances are, your guy will want to make sure things between you are serious before he introduces you to the kids. It may be weeks or months before you meet them. Once you do meet the kids, just focus on having fun with them. They may be resistant at first, and that’s totally normal. Invite them on fun outings, like bowling, or play games with them.
His grief doesn’t necessarily mean that he misses his ex. He had a whole life planned out, and now that’s gone. Things like losing your home or spending less time with your children are also painful losses.
