Rekindle the spark in your relationship. Focus on other big events in your life that are demanding your attention. Re-evaluate and work on yourself and your relationship.
If you choose the check-in route, decide together whether you want to talk daily, weekly, or monthly. Check-ins will allow you to play it by ear in deciding when the break should end, but if you go this route, you still need to be mindful of the length of the breakup. The ideal length for a break is between a week and a month, though it can vary from couple to couple. [4] X Research source Six months is likely too long. [5] X Research source
Was one of you constantly interrupting the other? Were you regularly giving each other the cold shoulder during or after arguments?
Is it okay to hook up with and/or date other people during the break? If infidelity is part of the equation, how do you feel about you or your partner communicating with the other person or people who were involved?
That said, remember that you’re both individuals with different ways of working through your issues and toward your goals. You might find that journaling is the best way for you to sort out your feelings, while talking to friends or family works best for your partner. There’s no one “correct” way to achieve your goals or work through your emotions, so allow each other the grace to take different approaches. [11] X Research source
You argue frequently and have trouble resolving the arguments through direct communication. One or both of you cheated—either physically or emotionally—and you need time to process the infidelity. One or both of you is struggling with commitment. You feel like you can’t truly be yourself in the relationship.
These events can be positive milestones such as landing a new job or getting accepted into a college or grad school. They can also be sources of tragedy or stress, such as dealing with addiction or the loss of a loved one. You might even find that taking a break strengthens your relationship in the long run by allowing you the space you need. Sometimes time apart even makes the heart grow fonder!
Maybe you like going to the movies with friends while your partner likes to go hiking. Or perhaps your dream vacation involves kayaking around the Northern Gulf Islands while your partner prefers to play tourist in Paris.
Planning out the breakup conversation in advance. If possible, making sure to discuss the breakup in person. Sharing positive feedback and appreciation for the good aspects of your relationship. Reminding yourself that some hurt feelings may be inevitable, but that the pain will be temporary. [17] X Research source
Are you both okay with seeing other people? What is or isn’t okay to do while you’re on the break? What—if any—deadline should you set on the break? Should you communicate at all during the break? If so, how often and for what reasons?
Flaunting the fact that you’re exploring other relationships. Trying to “tease” your partner about what they can’t have during a break. Conversely, trying to guilt your partner by showing or telling them how awful the break makes you feel. Expressing negative feelings isn’t necessarily unhealthy in all situations. The key is to communicate honestly rather than using your feelings to guilt trip your partner or to shift responsibility for your mental health onto them.
Perhaps the relationship feels too serious—it’s okay to say that you want to keep it casual for a while. Sometimes it might feel as if you’re spending too much time together, especially if you’re still in the early stages of a relationship. If that’s the case, try spending a bit more time apart while still going on the occasional date. If you feel like you’re getting too intimate too fast, discuss pumping the brakes with your partner. You can still enjoy each other’s company without rushing into anything.
