“Why would people want to kill children?” Emily asked.
“Well, people like that have no respect for human life,” replied her mother.
“I wonder what kind of a world I was born into,” Emily remarked.
“You shouldn’t worry about things like that,” said Liz, “because your mommy will always be here to protect you.”
“But how about when you’re not here with me?”
“You can’t live your life worrying about those kinds of things,” Liz replied. “Otherwise you’ll never go out of your house.”
All over America, children were asking questions, and many of their parents were at a loss for hopeful answers. “I have been very concerned with how the children in Oklahoma City, and indeed the children throughout America, must be reacting to a horror of this magnitude,” Bill Clinton told reporters on Friday. “My message to the children is that this was an evil thing, and the people who did it were terribly, horribly wrong. We will catch them, and we will punish them. But the children of America need to know that almost all the adults in this country are good people who love their children and love other children. And we’re going to get through this.”
The next day, the president and his wife discussed the tragedy with children in the Oval Office, a session that was broadcast on radio and television. Hillary Clinton urged children to “talk to those grown-ups who are around you about how you are feeling inside.” Experts endorsed the advice the Clintons gave, including the suggestion that children can take action by writing letters or sending gifts to the victims. But exactly how to get children through the emotional turmoil depends in part on their age (chart).
Preschoolers are generally oblivious to news events. Last week the day-care center on the fourth floor of Boston’s city hall was evacuated twice because of bomb threats that turned out to be false. Trained in monthly fire drills, the children weren’t half as alarmed as their parents. “We just lined up,” said 5-year-old Kristin Freitas, a preschooler with a blond ponytail and Minnie Mouse earrings. Kristin was sorry she missed lunch, but otherwise she wasn’t worried. Even after she learned what had happened in Oklahoma City, she didn’t seem alarmed. “Some people died,” she said, somberly but matter-of-factly.
School-age children are far more aware of what goes on in the world, and what it might mean for them. In Oklahoma City, a 10-year-old girl whose father left the federal building before the bomb went off complained: “I’m so angry that I will never be able to forgive the people who almost killed my father. Does that mean I won’t go to heaven?” Her mother called a local counseling hot line and sobbed: “I don’t know what to tell her.” Dr. Mary Ann Bauman reassured the mother. “Tell her anger is normal,” she said. “Tell her that her anger will not keep her from going to heaven.” With older kids, sympathy has to be laced with straight talk, honestly acknowledging the horrors that sometimes surround us.
Preschool: Turn off the TV and don’t discuss the bombing around them. Make them feel safe. Small children are usually oblivious to death, but they can be upset when they realize that adults, especially parents, are distressed.
Primary School: Young children may be thinking about the tragedy without talking about it. Find out what they know, discuss their feelings and take their fears seriously. Most important, reassure them that they are safe and that you will protect them. Spend more time with them, but don’t let them get too clingy.
Preteens: These kids may be the most vulnerable. Dispel rumors they may have heard. Make sure they know about arrests and punishment. Help them overcome feelings of powerlessness. They can write letters or collect money to send to the victims.
High School: Reassure them, but also encourage them to put the tragedy into a larger context. Talk to them about how the bombing is related to other violence they see every day -kids fighting, local crime. They need to understand that they can help change the world around them.
